From the wood, Alice sees a fish in footman’s livery approach the house and knock on the door. A similarly dressed frog answers the door and receives a letter inviting the Duchess to play croquet with the Queen. After the Fish Footman leaves, Alice approaches the Frog Footman, who sits on the ground staring stupidly up at the sky. Alice knocks at the door, but the Frog Footman explains that now that she is outside, no one will answer her knock since the people inside are making too much noise to hear her. He tells her he plans to sit there for days and seems unsurprised when the door opens a crack and a plate flies out and grazes his nose. Annoyed with his idiotic manner, Alice opens the door and finds herself in a kitchen. A Duchess nurses a baby, a grinning cat sits on the hearth, and a Cook stands at the stove, dumping pepper into a cauldron of soup. The pepper causes the Duchess and the baby to sneeze incessantly.
Alice inquires why the cat grins and learns from the Duchess that it is a Cheshire Cat. Wondering aloud why a cat would grin at all, the Duchess insults Alice, telling her that she must not know very much. Meanwhile, the Cook hurls objects randomly at the Duchess and the baby, including fire-irons, saucepans, and plates. Alice tells the Cook to mind herself, and attempts to change the subject of conversation by bringing up the earth’s axis. The Duchess mishears Alice, and thinking she is talking about axes, spontaneously shouts, “Chop off her head!” The Duchess starts to sing a nasty lullaby to the baby, roughly tussling it as she sings. Upon finishing, she flings the baby at Alice and hurries out of the room to prepare for croquet with the Queen.
Alice takes the baby outside, only to discover that it is a pig. After she lets the pig toddle off, she encounters the Cheshire Cat again, grinning broadly as it rests on the bough of a tree. After inquiring of the Cheshire Cat where she might go next, he tells her that no matter where she goes she will end up somewhere. The Cheshire Cat arbitrarily suggests she visit the Mad Hatter and the March Hare, but warns her that they are both mad. When Alice responds that she does not want to be among mad people, he tells her that all people are mad, and if she is in Wonderland, she must be mad too. Alice attempts to press the point, but the Cheshire Cat changes the subject, telling Alice that it will see her at the Queen’s croquet match later. The Cheshire Cat vanishes and reappears before fading to nothing but a disembodied grin, leaving Alice to travel onward to the March Hare’s house. Upon discovering that the house is larger than she is, Alice consumes a portion of the Caterpillar’s mushroom and grows to two feet tall.
Alice in Wonderland 6: Pig and Pepper – Listen and Read
Chapter Six of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carrol (abridged)
This Librivox Recording is in the Public Domain.
Chapter Six – Pig and Pepper
For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, when suddenly a footman in livery came running out of the wood (judging by his face only, she would have called him a fish) — and rapped loudly at the door with his knuckles. It was opened by another footman in livery, with a round face and large eyes like a frog.
The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great letter, and this he handed over to the other, saying, in a solemn tone, “For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play croquet.” The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn tone, “From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.” Then they both bowed low and their curls got entangled together.
When Alice next peeped out, the Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the ground near the door, staring stupidly up into the sky. Alice went timidly up to the door and knocked.
“There’s no sort of use in knocking,” said the Footman, “and that for two reasons. First, because I’m on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, because they’re making such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you.” And certainly there was a most extraordinary noise going on within — a constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish or kettle had been broken to pieces.
“How am I to get in?” asked Alice.
“Are you to get in at all?” said the Footman. “That’s the first question, you know.”
Alice opened the door and went in. The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from one end to the other; the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was leaning over the fire, stirring a large caldron which seemed to be full of soup.
“There’s certainly too much pepper in that soup!” Alice said to herself, as well as she could for sneezing. Even the Duchess sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howling alternately without a moment’s pause. The only two creatures in the kitchen that did not sneeze were the cook and a large cat, which was grinning from ear to ear.
“Please would you tell me,” said Alice, a little timidly, “why your cat grins like that?”
“It’s a Cheshire-Cat,” said the Duchess, “and that’s why.”
“I didn’t know that Cheshire-Cats always grinned; in fact, I didn’t know that cats could grin,” said Alice.
“You don’t know much,” said the Duchess, “and that’s a fact.”
Just then the cook took the caldron of soup off the fire, and at once set to work throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and the baby — the fire-irons came first; then followed a shower of saucepans, plates and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of them, even when they hit her, and the baby was howling so much already that it was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.
“Oh, please mind what you’re doing!” cried Alice, jumping up and down in an agony of terror.
“Here! You may nurse it a bit, if you like!” the Duchess said to Alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke. “I must go and get ready to play croquet with the Queen,” and she hurried out of the room.
Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer-shaped little creature and held out its arms and legs in all directions. “If I don’t take this child away with me,” thought Alice, “they’re sure to kill it in a day or two. Wouldn’t it be murder to leave it behind?” She said the last words out loud and the little thing grunted in reply.
“If you’re going to turn into a pig, my dear,” said Alice, “I’ll have nothing more to do with you. Mind now!”
Alice was just beginning to think to herself, “Now, what am I to do with this creature, when I get it home?” when it grunted again so violently that Alice looked down into its face in some alarm. This time there could be no mistake about it — it was neither more nor less than a pig; so she set the little creature down and felt quite relieved to see it trot away quietly into the wood.
Alice was a little startled by seeing the Cheshire-Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off. The Cat only grinned when it saw her. “Cheshire-Puss,” began Alice, rather timidly, “would you please tell me which way I ought to go from here?”
“In that direction,” the Cat said, waving the right paw ’round, “lives a Hatter; and in that direction,” waving the other paw, “lives a March Hare. Visit either you like; they’re both mad.”
“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked.
“Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat; “we’re all mad here. Do you play croquet with the Queen to-day?”
“I should like it very much,” said Alice, “but I haven’t been invited yet.”
“You’ll see me there,” said the Cat, and vanished.
Alice had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house of the March Hare; it was so large a house that she did not like to go near till she had nibbled some more of the left-hand bit of mushroom.
Alice in Wonderland – Listen and Read
- Alice in Wonderland 1: Down the Rabbit-Hole – Listen and Read
- Alice in Wonderland 2: The Pool of Tears – Listen and Read
- Alice in Wonderland 3: A Caucus Race and a Long Tale – Listen and Read
- Alice in Wonderland 4: The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill – Listen and Read
- Alice in Wonderland 5: Advice from a Caterpillar – Listen and Read
- Alice in Wonderland 6: Pig and Pepper – Listen and Read
- Alice in Wonderland 7: A Mad Tea Party – Listen and Read
- Alice in Wonderland 8: The Queen’s Croquet Ground – Listen and Read
- Alice in Wonderland 9: Who Stole the Tarts? – Listen and Read
- Alice in Wonderland 10: Alice’s Evidence – Listen and Read
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- A Christmas Carol 2: The First of the Three Spirits – Listen and Read
- A Christmas Carol 3: The Second of the Three Spirits – Listen and Read
- A Christmas Carol 4: The Last of the Spirits – Listen and Read
- A Christmas Carol 5: The End of It – Listen and Read
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audio: LibriVox: Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (dramatic reading)
transcript: Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland